My weekly Purposeful Empathy newsletter is dedicated to amplifying the voices of people from around the globe who believe the world needs more empathy - and are doing something about it. This month, my focus is on the practice of self-empathy.
Dr. Judith Orloff refers to herself as an “emotional sponge.” As a young girl, she could sense everyone’s emotions and had to leave high-stimulus places like shopping malls to escape feelings of overwhelm. Those around her told her to toughen up and grow thicker skin. Unable to do so, as a teen, she began to spiral out of control.
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There is a lot of interest in empathy, both in science and the public domain. This results in many definitions and approaches to empathy. While this interest is great, we face the risk of not seeing the wood for the trees.
After 20 years of studying and developing empathy practice, we define five distinct, but connected, aspects of Integrative Empathy with resulting behaviours:
Bringing your undivided attention with self-empathy
Creating and maintaining connection with kinesthetic empathy
Fostering mutual understanding with reflective empathy
Diversifying perspectives with imaginative empathy
Ensuring actionable outcomes with empathic creativity
Self-empathy - (checking in with your own feelings and needs) is like the roots of a tree, nourishing the tree so that you can be resourced to listen and speak in ways that are much more serving for all. Check it out. I redid this video to make to include a handout I love. At the end I chopped off a bit of my head! so hopefully it's good enough -embracing that it will hopefully contribute even if it's not "perfect
Empathy in NVC for me means that I empty my mind and open my heart and listen to someone’s pain.
At times I need it myself and nobody is available. For this situation NVC provides the “tool” of self-empathy. I listen to myself, to the judgements and blames I have (about myself or others), try to identify my observations, feelings and needs related to the situation and end with a specific and doable request of myself or someone else.
I invite you to look especially into a painful situation related to social change, your role in society, a project you want to initiate or that doesn’t go as you wish.
In this workshop you will have a chance to experience self-empathy in a written exercise and then have an exchange with others in small groups. This will hopefully provide you with a skill you can use any time when you might need it.
Self Compassion: The Jewel at the Center of Being Facilitated by Susan Partnow
Self-care and self-compassion are foundational to our ability to be of true service in the world. Please join us for this two-session series about practices that enhance our capacity for these important skills.
In order to bring compassion to others—whether those closest to us or those suffering around our nation and the globe—we must embrace our ability to be compassionate with ourselves. And yet, that seems to be something many of us have great difficulty with.
We will develop practices around the three key components of self-compassion identified by researcher Kristin Neff:
Kindness, to soften our hearts and open to suffering
A sense of common humanity, to connect us to our essential inter-being with all life
Mindfulness, to open us to the present moment and capacity for gratitude
Self-exploration and introspection are solo acts; empathy is not.
Although definitions of empathy vary across research and disciplines, these definitions share the act of engaging with others.
Empathy is the sharing and understanding of the emotions, actions, and experiences of others.
Full engagement in empathy takes us out of our own heads in order to create meaningful social connections with others.
What is empathy?
Empathy is the ability to share and understand the feelings of others, which, by definition, involves others! We can’t mirror ourselves; we can’t step out of our own life experiences to walk in our own shoes. In spite of this impossibility, we do hear about the idea of “self-empathy” and are even encouraged to practice it. I welcome the advice for us to be more introspective about our own feelings and motivations, but let’s be clear: That is not empathy.
This is an introduction to Self-Compassion, by The Growing Club’s Wellbeing officer, Sarah Ludford. Sarah will be running a Self-Compassion Series, starting on the 26th February 2021. Find out more here.
Compassion is an old word that is getting used a lot more of late but how many of us actually know what it means? The Latin root for the word compassion is pati, which means ‘to suffer’, and the prefix com – means ‘with’. Compassion, originating from compati, which means to suffer with. I like to think of the ‘with’ as being alongside. If we are alongside someone in their suffering then we are moving into the realm of empathy rather than sympathy or feeling sorry for someone. We accompany them so they are not alone in difficult times.
Tobyn Bell still remembers the precise moment when his self-compassion practice paid off.
He had just arrived home from work and was turning over in his mind the mistakes he had made that day, what he could or should have done – the kind of self-critical thoughts he had struggled with for years. Then, unexpectedly, another voice piped up in response, calm and steadying, addressing Bell by a fond nickname from his childhood
A decade ago, the research was just getting started – evidence was anecdotal, and there was no way of knowing for sure if mindfulness practice was truly making the difference that so many were reporting.
However, we now know that mindfulness practice:
Increases the brain waves associated with neural integration and well-being
Leads to an increased sense of well-being, not to mention greater stress resilience and deeper empathy in both professional and personal relationships
Improves attention, learning, and memory
Reduces experiences of pain, including chronic pain
Decreases the frequency and severity of stress, and the symptoms that come with it, including IBS, insomnia, and sexual dysfunction
How Self-Compassion Heals Shame Self-compassion helps prevent former victims from being re-victimized primarily because it helps heal their shame—shame that causes them to stop caring about their own safety, shame that causes them to punish themselves by being reckless with their bodies.
Shame is the most damaging aspect of any sexual violation and is the number one risk factor for being re-victimized later in life. Most former victims are overwhelmed with shame.
Why is this the case? The most straight-forward answer is that abuse is a horrifically shaming experience.
In this podcast series, Sarah demonstrates how she talks to herself with warmth and compassion, and how this practice is the first step in developing our Resonating Self Witness. You can watch these on YouTube or view them below.
Note that I use second-person when I talk to myself with resonance; try it and you'll see how helpful this can be in developing and learning to talk with your own resonating compassionate self-witness!
My weekly Purposeful Empathy newsletter is dedicated to amplifying the voices of people from around the globe who believe the world needs more empathy - and are doing something about it. This month, my focus is on the practice of self-empathy.
When faced with failure or disappointment, we often default to feelings of self-recrimination (or worse), instead of self-empathy. Why are we so hard on ourselves? And how can we shift our mindset from self-punishment to self-empathy?
Associate Professor, Dr. Bassam Khoury, believes we must learn to harness mindfulness on purpose, and suggests that we keep “four angles of compassion” in mind when cultivating our (self-)empathy.
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Self-judgment leads to negative emotions such as frustration, anger, shame, envy and stress.
Self-empathy helps you shift your mindset to positive emotions such as grace, compassion, optimism, forgiveness and resiliency. All of these help you better navigate the ups and downs of life.
Here are the steps to embrace self-empathy in your life:
1. Become more self-aware regarding when you are judging yourself. You can’t intercept thoughts that you are not aware of so this is an important step. An easy way to do this in the beginning is to track the number of times you judge yourself on a piece of paper. You will be amazed at how often you are critical of yourself. Deliberately intercept the judging thought by taking a few breaths. This allows you to pause and disrupt the habitual pattern of your judgmental messaging.
We use latest technology to produce our notes so that it looks 100% https://banksnote.com identical to the real note. This thus implies all security features present in the real notes are present in the note we make. Our team is made up of Quality IT technicians from Morocco, US, Russia, India, https://banksnote.com Korea and China etc We offer high quality counterfeit NOTES for all currencies.
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Relationship Advice & Emotional Intelligence | Scott Catamas helps you explore the topics of empathy, how to be more attuned to someone's emotions, and how to express compassion in the moment. For the entire video, head to Relationflix.com!
Join the Ontario Caregiver Organization as we investigate perspectives and tools to translate and transform caregiver guilt and resentment. Going beyond surface self-care efforts, we’ll identify underlying needs and imagine strategies to meet those needs more deeply, so we have the personal reserves to care for others.
Presented by: Marion Little, MA Dispute Resolution, BA Linguistics, CNVC Certified Trainer, manages Community Services and Training for the John Howard Society of Peterborough, including conflict resolution, violence prevention, and communication skills programs for adults & youth. Marion has taught undergraduate and graduate level courses in mediation and nonprofit management. She has also served as executive director for several social service agencies in BC.
Mieko Ise has been a caregiver to both her parents and in-laws for the past 10 years. It is Mieko’s intention to use her lived experiences to help other caregivers with their journeys and to be a catalyst for enhancing interactions between caregivers and healthcare professionals. Currently she is involved with the Ontario Caregiver Organization advising on the creation of new caregiver programs and services.
Empathy, the ability to understand and share someone’s emotions, is foundational to our connections with other people. Research shows that it’s crucial for moral development, maintaining close relationships, fostering relations between groups, and inhibiting aggression. Because of its vital role in so many social processes, it’s important to understand the factors that promote empathy and make empathic behaviour more likely.
Most empathy-building interventions focus on improving the ability to take another person’s perspective. For example, someone can be instructed to imagine the thoughts and feelings of a specific person or group, or they can be presented with a video or letter in which another person describes their experience. Such interventions have been shown to successfully increase empathy and promote helping.
It’s sensible to try to build empathy by fostering an understanding of others. But there is reason to believe that, less intuitively, having a clear understanding of oneself is also important for the capacity to empathise.
With 2.2 million US soldiers returning from the current wars, and thousands more from allied nations, how soldiers can thrive after war is a subject of urgent public interest. Military medicine has proven remarkable in limb and facial reconstruction, and increasingly in diagnosing traumatic brain injuries and posttraumatic stress. But the specific moral dimensions of psychological injuries still elude much focus. These injuries are moral for they are about how individuals hold themselves and each other morally responsible. Taking off the uniform can bring with it varieties of guilt, shame, and resentment—negative and biting ways of holding self and others morally accountable for real and apparent, commissive and omissive, wronging, and being wronged, and falling short.
How often do we sit down to face the blank page or canvas, only to get crippled by the paralyzing critic: "You can't do this, you're not good enough....WHY BOTHER?"
Developing a consistent Self-empathy practice is the single most healing thing I've ever done for myself. It has allowed me to heal old, negative beliefs that used to sabotage my ability to enjoy intimate and loving relationships, and to uncover and express the eatergr Truth of me. Every relationship, friendship, and interaction with others has benefitted as a result." – Mary Mackenzie
Delighted to share my conversation with empathy expert Mimi Nicklin. A wonderful, insightful conversation covering both the basics of what self-empathy really is, and more practical specifics about how and why we can practice it in our daily lives.
Teaching the Mindful self-Compassion 9 week programme
After successfully completing the Mindful self-compassion teacher training with Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer– the wonderful world renowned founders and creators of theMindful self-compassion programme at Bangor University, I was one of the very first cohort of European teachers trained to teach the 8 week course.
The programme is gathering momentum world- wide and I am so proud to be offering training programmes in the UK. The programme is now being translated into 10 languages!
Recent research in the neurobiology of compassion as it relates to shame has revealed new information about the neural plasticity of the brain—the capacity of our brains to grow new neurons and new synaptic connections. According to these studies, we can proactively repair (and re-pair) old shame memories with new experiences of self-empathy and self-compassion. (Longe, etal 2010).
The Practice of Self-Compassion
Learning to practice self-compassion is not an easy task. It takes practice. It can be extremely difficult to learn to provide compassion to yourself especially if you have never been the recipient of compassion. Many of you reading this article may have never received healing compassion, not even from your closest friends. And many of you grew up with a lack of compassion in your family. Instead of family members showing kindness, concern and compassion for one another, you may have only witnessed and experienced criticism, fault finding and complaints.
This article is the first in a series on the notion and practice of Self-Empathy by Katherine Train & Lidewij Niezink
When most people think of empathy, they think of empathizing with someone else. No wonder, considering the many circumstances, in both personal and work life, where you find yourself caught between people or groups of people, expecting you to ‘understand’. ..
The first step to empathy is self-empathy
But when you are feeling challenged and misunderstood yourself, empathizing with someone else is difficult. And if you are not aware of your own inner experience, emotional- and mental state, how can you be sure that that which you perceive to be part of the other, is not rather a projection of your own self upon them? That is why the first step towards empathizing with someone else is to empathize with yourself (Barrett-Lennard, 1997).
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